Tree Shit

We bought our first real Christmas tree this weekend! I now feel incredibly wholesome and maternal, especially because it's already decorated. It's literally dripping in red and gold bling.

Because this is the first time I've ever been responsible for a tree, I'm just now realizing that Christmas trees kind of fucking suck. I believe this is why we usually find trees outside and not in our homes.

First of all, it takes up approximately 1/3 of our house's 800 total square feet.

Secondly, my newly crawling daughter keeps eating and choking on tree shit.

Lastly, I am living in constant fear that our bulldog is going to a) piss on it or b) hump it, knock it over, and c)kill someone or d) just make a giant mess. Any of these scenarios would really piss me off.

Happy F*cking Holidays