Thursday, February 9, 2012

Lesson #1: "The One" Does Not Exist

My 27th birthday is next month, and I realized that when James turns 27, I'll be 49, and when Cece turns 27, I'll be 50. When I'm in my late 40s and early 50s, I might not be able to relate to the things they'll be going through in early adulthood as well as I can now. I've decided to write a compilation of life lessons to share with them when they become adults. I've started it here, on my blog, and look forward to your thoughts and ideas for future posts. Like my life, this series will be a work in progress :)

Lesson # 1: There is no such thing as "The One."

You've been told dreamy tales about someday finding "The One"-- your fated soulmate, the man or woman who will give you butterflies in your bellies and sweep you off your feet in a whirlwind of love and excitement. You've assumed "The One" will be handsome or beautiful and will charm you at first sight. You believe that your interests and life perspectives will align magically, and that life with this person will be simultaneously adventurous and harmonious.

Along the roads to finding your perfect matches, you might overlook a lot of nice people who really like you. Some might be too nerdy, lumpy, scrawny, or interested in you to seem worthwhile. Here's the secret, my dears: no match is perfect, and the best looking people aren't necessarily the best partners. Your fate does not include finding a person who does not exist, and when it comes to love, nobody is perfect. Although I've told you that you're perfect, you probably have negative qualities that I've overlooked. The best thing you can do for yourselves when finding a partner is to choose someone that brings tremendous joy to your life and doesn't hurt your feelings.

When choosing a partner, pick someone stable, devoted, loving, and patient. Choose someone who values hard work and makes you laugh, someone who has practical expectations of you while making you want to be your best.  Everyone ends up a little lumpy, and what excites you at 18 will absolutely not excite you at 28. I promise to be right about that.

Your relationships might not work out, so never neglect the other components of your lives that fulfill you. You'll always have me, by the way. And you're never too old to cry on my shoulder. There will be times in your lives when your hearts will feel broken for a short while. They will heal, and you'll find love again. I promise that, too.

The truth is, my loves, that you can have a magical life with anyone who loves you equally and is willing and committed to work through difficult times. And when you find your almost-perfect match, be sure to treat them well.


  1. I love you. You're such a good mom.

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  3. I wish I had read this earlier in life haha. I really enjoyed reading this. Thank you! Your kids are lucky to have a mom with such foresight! Wonderfully written. You should put all of the lessons together in a chapter format and have them bound up into a book with pictures of your kids as they are growing up to give to them when they are older. You can have your own book printed at It's a great website, no order minimums and it's pretty affordable.

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