Don't Name Your Kid After Tony Danza Unless He Got You Pregnant.

I was browsing the web today for some parenting tips because James, my angelic 3.5 year old, has been unbearably uncooperative for the last 2 days. I googled "parenting" and clicked on the most reliable-looking option: Parenting.com.

The homepage offered such a wide variety of insightful headlines that I kinda forgot why I was there. "11 Super-Cute Baby Names for Boys" caught my eye, because I like super-cute anything, and I also believe that expecting parents of baby boys are kind of fucked when it comes to finding an original-but-cool names for their future sons. As a self-proclaimed baby name expert, it was necessary for me to see what they came up with.

Everything was cool until I got to #10 on the "super-cute" list.

Anthony.

Really? That's what we're working with?

Imagine holding your freshly birthed 8-pounder for the first time and thinking, I will call you... Anthony.

Parenting.com went to great lengths to make this one work. With each name suggestion, they include an example of a  current pop culture icon. Picture and bio included.  For this gem, they chose to use Anthony Hopkins, NOT KIDDING, because that's a great selling point. The picture, in my opinion, would be really effective for new parents of elderly men. Check it out for yourself, and while you're there, notice some of the other famous Anthonys mentioned. My favorites are "Tony Danza" and "Anthony 'Tony' Soprano."

If I'm sounding too critical, then let's pump the brakes. I'm not saying Anthony is a bad name.  I think it's an appropriate choice if it's a family name, or if you just happen to really like the way it sounds, or whatever. I take issue with Parenting.com, though, for creating this unimaginative "Top 11" list. Why couldn't they have omitted Anthony and called it a Top 10? I'm suspecting the person who compiled the list is pregnant and hoarding all of the good names for herself and her pregnant friends. Just a thought.

When I was pregnant with James, I would have looked at the Parenting.com website as some sort of authority on parenthood. Pregnant women are a susceptible breed, and picking out your son's name is a huge deal. I remember wondering, what if I pick a name that makes him a doofus? What if all the bad kids in his class have the same name? Is the name I like too ethnic for an Irish kid?

Moral of the story? Baby name lists are kinda cool to look at, but I think they're about as useful as yesterday's Pisces horoscope in my local newspaper, or a $20 replacement warranty for a $30 cordless phone. So until I come across a really good name list, I'd suggest that you run potential baby names by me first, or check with some other rational person that loves you.

Hey Stranger

Yeah, I'll say it again: it's been awhile. I'm sure all two of you have missed me.

Every time I write one of these "oh, I'm really going to start blogging again" empty promise posts, I do it with the best of intentions. I usually follow up with some quick story about how busy I've been. Here goes: Gene and I broke up in October, I had two jobs for awhile, now I have one, I still don't have spare time, the kids are great, I love my job, how are you doing, by the way?

No promises this time, but I would like to blog atleast... once in awhile? No strings, no commitments, this is the best I can do.

Thanks for checking in. I love all two (ok, one) of you. Oh, yeah, that's you, Erin.

:)

"Your church is a whore"

It's been a year, but I'm back.

I'm taking my first Philosophy class ever, and I'm toying with Existentialism, specifically, Jean-Paul Sartre's lecture, "Existentialism Is a Humanism".

I like Sartre's 'no excuses' approach to personal responsibility. There's something liberating about saying, "Hey, this life is mine, and my choices shape its outcome." Sartre takes an atheistic approach in his essay, but I don't think religion (or the lack of religion) is a crucial component of the message, anyway. I think our lives are lived best when we accept responsibility for outcomes, rather than leaving things up to fate or chance. I've always had a problem with the phrase, "everything happens for a reason." No! That answer just isn't good enough! Bad things happen all the time, and we can't chalk everything up to mysticism! Using that phrase, in my opinion, is a giant cop-out. Some things are too big to leave to chance, or a higher power, or other people.

Egghhh it's almost 1:30 am and I'm obviously not asleep. Cutting this post short. \

PS, the title of this post is part of a Sartre quote, which I meant to explain, but whatever.

Quickies

I wish I had a picture of my current computer situation to share with you. I'll try to describe it: I'm in my basement, sitting on a rocking ottoman, with an unpredictable keyboard on my lap (the keys don't always work, but the problematic keys are not always repeat offenders! They keep changing!) and our dinosaur of a computer monitor is balancing on a small bookshelf. This is why I haven't been blogging much. My glorious laptop has some sort of virus, or maybe an STD, (Gene broke my NO-PORN-ON-MY-FUCKING-LAPTOP rule) and we had to set up a makeshift computer station in our basement ("I'm not setting up the computer on the desk--- this is a temporary situation," promises the aforementioned porn creep.)

Anyway, I just wanted to quickly update my blog by sharing with you my new, edgy haircut:

And now I'm stuck with a centered line alignment, but I have no idea why.

So, if you can  bear with me during this tumultous blogging period of my life, I'll blog more often than I have been lately, but we'll have to settle for quickies until I get my laptop fixed. Deal? Great.

Sketchy Santas

I haven't had much time to blog lately. We threw together a last-minute party for Gene's bff yesterday, and the kids have been really effing sick lately. Because they were both up last night with coughing fits, I took them to the pediatrician this afternoon. I felt like a real jerk when I found out how sick they are. As it turns out, they both have bronch-o-something-itis and double ear infections! I had no idea! Poor bears!

Cece is especially sickly. Her oxygen level was low (like 91%) and her face looks sad and pained and prettier than ever. I want to cry whenever I look at her.

ANYWAY, I'm writing this quick blog to give you something funny to read in my absence.

Enjoy!

NYE

It's New Year's Eve, and I have a babysitter.

Therefore, I am going to spend the rest of 2009 behaving like a teenager.

Cheers!

Wheezing & Whining

I HAVE PNEUMONIA!

FEEL BAD FOR ME!


Despite some pathetic attempts to promote the news that I have PNEUMONIA, it seems like nobody really cares. I'm using exclamation marks! I'm whining! I'm putting it on Facebook! I'm making phone calls! I'm expending energy that I can't afford to lose!


Gene, my fiance, wouldn't even take me to Urgent Care when I woke up with wheezing and coughing and hysteria. I drove myself there, and when I got home, he went snowboarding.

I know that modern medicine has made it almost certain that I won't die from this condition, but I still want to know: What the fuck happened to pneumonia's alarming edge?

If you need me, I'll be in my bed, feeling sorry for myself.